2018/9

Hello! It's been long since I did a proper update didn't I? It almost feels foreign to be on the desktop version, I feel a little shy being back on here!

Thought I should come and update a little, I know I'll be quite sad when I look back at my blog and realise chunks of my life were missing because I was so busy, but of course, that's life. I'll do my best.

Wanted to do an update on my Langkawi trip with SY and our subsequent trip to KL for SL's wedding (oh yeah, she got hitched)... But I guess that didn't happen, yet.

I came on here because I was reflecting on my previous few years, especially the two years after returning from Germany, and I felt really thankful for the changes that I went through. All glory to God! I look at the old me, deep in the thresholds of my secret sins, and then I look at my current self; still sinning, still unworthy of God's grace (though He gives and gives), but now a sinner who kneels before her God, no longer in the choking grasps of depression.

I've escaped the clutches of the devil and ran to safety in my Father's kingdom.

I think I've grown quite a fair bit, and I want to give all glory, every credit, to God. If I were to do it by my own will, by my own pride, I'd be six-feet under by now. (Or burned to crisps in an urn somewhere since burial plots are so expensive here lol)

Not to say I was the holiest saint to ever walk the 21st century, I'm not even close. I've fallen so many times, I've left God. I've neglected my quiet times with God, or perhaps had done so half-heartedly. I sinned, I caved in to temptations, I almost left God again.

But I thank God again and again for the brothers and sisters He placed in my midst, for pastors and elders who constantly remind me through words and actions to walk the narrow way of the saints, to love God with all my heart and all my soul, to not grieve the spirit residing in me, to pick myself up again when I fall - not by my own strength, but by His who sees and knows all.

So I guess through small but firm steps, I learned to stick closer to the narrow path, to hold on tightly to His words, to treat His words like the treasure they are. I'm glad to say I've finally finished the New Testament after procrastinating the bible for so long. I've started on the Old Testament and hope to have the perseverance to read it every single day.

On the last few days of the year 2018, the Young Adults (YA) Fellowship had a thanksgiving gathering as we do every year. Shengwei led, and prompted us all the write down resolutions for 2019.

Now, I've never been one to do resolutions. I laugh at it because I know my resolve would never last me the first week of the year. But perhaps it was the sombre mood, or maybe because I grew up a little more, this time I decided to do resolutions properly.

He told us to write three, but I accidentally wrote four, and kept one more in my heart (because I've been reflecting a lot haha). My first four are as follows:

1. To be a better testimony at work
2. To talk to mum more
3. To lose my temper less (especially at work)
4. To put in more effort in my ministry as a pianist

Pastor recently gave me a book about the importance of private prayer, and I've been trying to have more quiet time, more praying time. In those times I prayed for these four resolutions.

It then dawned on me that most importantly, I want to hold on tightly to God's words and His kingdom, I don't want to fall this year. I want this so badly for some reason, I guess I'm tired of walking the wrong way. The secular path is just bad news for a christian. So that's five. Five resolutions for the new year.

So there's that then. May God's light be with me forever and ever, and may I be with Him till the days of judgement, and till the end of days.

To God be the glory!