Testimonies

It's funny how I ended 2019, delivering a testimony on stage about my experience with one of the worst depressive episode of my life, and then walked in 2020 right into the open arms of another episode. 

I thanked God there and then when I noticed the first signs because I recognised almost immediately that I was about to put the lessons I've learned, into practice.

When I was writing the testimony back then, with guidance from Glenn and Rev, it helped me to rethink how God has worked in my life, and the biblical actions I've taken to recover back then. 

Through testifying, it really put into perspectives how a revived relationship with God helped me recover. It was the acknowledgement that He is truly my Lord and my God, a growing understanding of the magnitude of that statement, and what that really means to me.

2019 was also the year I made the resolution not to leave God, at least just for that year. I don't know where that conviction came from, but I'm glad for it. I believe that resolution (supplemented with constant prayer) put me in a place where I was able to confidently testify God's wonderful works in my life.

2020 was the year when everything I've learned was put to test again. I was not expecting to face my suicidal inclinations head on again, I was not expecting to deal with the choking clutches of my darkest thoughts, resurfacing again. 2020 has been a year of relearning certain lessons, revising concepts that I've perhaps grown a little too cocky in. It is a humbling reminder that my journey of sanctification is far from complete, and I've much to do, much to learn.

And so, this year, I've learned to praise God in my laments. I've learned to give thanks when the circumstances do not call for it. And I've learned to crawl back desperately, again and again, into my saviour's arms, because though it is always tempting to remain at the bottom of the pit, I've tasted what joy in my Lord is like, and by the grace of God, I will not let go of that sweet, sweet glory.

Oh Lord, be my God today, and forevermore.