Little Lion Man

My mood has been at its lowest these past few days. God, these insecurities and self-esteem issues could eat me alive. Could have been that 'D' (that finalised into a 'C' in the end) that triggered it, I don't know.

But my mood turn so sour every time a little thing shake my confidence, and it's crazy because I feel like I'm having bad days after bad days and it's so exhausting.

I don't like how fucked up my emotions are getting, and I don't want to get into that pushing-people-away phase again because the loneliness will kill me.

It doesn't help that I'm coming back to the folks yelling at the kid, or the maid, or at each other. Why do people like yelling so much? It seems like peace isn't something adults understand anymore.

I don't want to grow up to be like that, I don't want to grow up and forget what it's like to be young and carefree, to fight with each other all the time, to be competitive all the bloody time.

I know it's what the society's like, I understand that adults have to be like this to survive out there, but that doesn't make it any more likable.

It feels like there's a whirlpool of thoughts in my mind, and it's so tiring trying to sort everything out.

And of course all these thoughts HAVE to be negative ones. My scumbag brain is mean.

I swear it feels like the only things revolving in my mind are my worth in people's lives, their (non-existent) need for me, my talents that refuse to show themselves even after nearly 19 years.

All I want to do right now is to sit in a corner and... not exist. Yeah, that'd be really nice.