War

Some people call self-harm scars battle scars. I used to too, to comfort a friend about hers. But every time I look at my scars, all I can think of is these physical pain are so superficial, they barely cover up the emotional pain sometimes.

I took a closer look at the bulgey scar on my arm today and I realised that it is almost parallel to this scar I had from years ago. 

Back then that was my deepest self-harm scar, and now it's fourth in line. I feel like it's all a giant metaphor for how the pain only gets deeper as time passes.

People tell me it gets better, but define better because I don't remember better times. How am I supposed to trust in an outcome that I don't remember experiencing?

I'm not hurting now though, it's more like a dull ache. It's always just been a dull ache except for the horrid nights. 

I don't even know why I'm saying these things. I guess I'm just feeling really disgusted with myself.

As always.

I cannot stress enough how I'm made of all the people I dislike.